Nothing At All
by keulloi
Summary: What she kept from him, or what he kept from her?


**_A/N:_**_I found this on my laptop. ...so there's that.__  
_

_This story was inspired by __The Fault in our Stars.__  
_

_If you haven't read the book by now, I'm disappointed._

_**Disclaimer:** _Disclaimed.

* * *

"Hey." She whispered; her red, mid-back length hair swayed with the wind as she stood behind the blue haired man.

"What do you want, Hino?" His gaze traveled to the sunset beyond them. Beautiful hues of orange and pink painted the sky, as if it was a canvas waiting for it's artist to give it life. Kahoko noticed that he wasn't in a good mood, and that now wasn't the best time to ask him. But she didn't have a choice, now did she? If she didn't ask him now, she would never have another chance to. She opened her mouth and took a deep breath.

"What would you do if I suddenly disappeared?" She croaked out; sounding more like a fish than a seventeen-year-old teenage girl.

"Nothing." Came the reply.

'…_What.' _Her golden eyes widened in shock.

"Nothing? What do you mean _nothing?" _She stopped to glare a hole into his back. "We've been childhood friends ever since we could walk, and you'd do _nothing_ if I suddenly walked out of your life?!"

"What part do you not understand?" He clenched his jaw, irritated.

"I understand everything, but-"

He turned and glared at her with his stoic, golden eyes. He would never treat her like this. _Ever._ He was always so kind and caring to her, but today he was so _agitated._

"What other irrelevant question do you have?" He shouted at her. "If you have nothing else to say, you can disappear from my life **right now.**"

She took one step backwards, followed by another one. "N-nothing else. I'll be on my way now. G-goodbye." Kahoko turned around and started walking away from him, fighting the tears threatening to fall from her golden eyes. She turned around once more, to see him still standing there, unmoved. She started to run, to run as fast as she could, ignoring the burning sensation in her legs. She just had to get away from him. As far away from him as possible.

He had been her best friend since they were kids. He was always the boy to buy her an extra ice cream whenever he got one, even though he didn't like ice cream. (_"Who wouldn't like ice cream?" She'd wonder_). He was always the boy to wipe away her tears with his pristine handy-dandy handkerchief after she fell off the swings. He was always that boy who asked her to accompany him while he played, even though she had just started to learn the violin. Len had never lost his temper in front of her. That's why she fell in love with him. Kahoko fell in love with him, even though she knew that he wouldn't like her back. He had told her a while ago.

* * *

"_Len-Kun."_

"_Yes?"_

_She looked up to the blue sky. "Do you like me?"_

_Pause._

"_Like? As in friend, or like as in a …girlfriend?"_

"_Both."_

"..._I like you as a friend." He said, following her gaze and staring at a cloud._

_"That cloud looks like a heart." She pointed out._

_"It looks like a blob." He retorted._

* * *

Her mother's car came into view right when she was starting to lose the feeling in her legs. She pulled open the door, and threw herself into the backseat.

"What's wrong? I was just about to leave until I saw you running towards-"

"Please mom… just drive me home… I don't feel so well…" Kahoko said while rubbing her forehead.

Her mother turned her head around, panic-stricken. "How do you feel?"

"I.. Might-" The last thing she heard was her mother shouting her name over and over again.

* * *

Hino woke up to the smell of medication, a smell that she had gotten quite accustomed to. The white light was so blinding, that she had to squint her golden brown eyes in order to see her surroundings.

She looked to her right.

There was an IV in her arm.

She looked to the left.

There was a large beeping machine monitoring her heart rate.

She looked up.

The ceiling still had the ugly-shade-of-green glow-in-the-dark stickers that her father put there when she was a little girl.

She looked down.

The nurses had changed her clothes. She was wearing a white hospital gown. The white blanket was pulled up to her neck, with only her arms laying on top of it.

Even though Kaho and Len had been childhood friends, she had never told him her secret. Whenever she had to come to the hospital, she made an excuse that her mother wanted to spend time with her.

The door opened, revealing her mother with immense eye bags under her eyes. It looked like she hadn't slept in days.

"Mom.." She croaked out.

"How do you feel?" Her mother said as she walked over to her, stroking red strands out of her face.

"…I don't really know… My head hurts.." Her mother's tears started running down her face.

"Mom? Why are you crying?"

"I spoke with the doctor earlier… She said that the tumor has grown so big, that there's no other choice but to…" Her mother started to sob.

"Mom… But to what?" Her eyes started to glisten.

"There's no other choice.. But to… terminate it.."

"Terminate?! What do you mean 'terminate?!" She started panicking.

Her mother held her hand without the IV in it.

"They have to pull the plug. It's your choice. If you were in pain, why didn't you tell me? It would be selfish of me to keep you here when you're suffering like this…" Her mother held Kahoko's hand to her lips and started to sob even harder.

Kahoko started to sob herself. "I didn't want you to be alone anymore… When dad died, you looked so depressed.. And if I left you, I don't know what you would've felt..." Her mother wiped the tears away from her face and smiled.

"I never knew my daughter was so selfless…" She laughed. "If you feel like you can't take it anymore, you can be put out of your misery painlessly. Your mother is strong."

"Mom… It really hurts…" She held her head again.

"Then, is that your… choice?" A tear glided down her cheek.

She looked at her mother again.

Her mind said '_It hurts._'

Her eyes said _'I'm sorry.'_

Her mouth said, "I love you, Mom." Kaho's tears started coming down nonstop.

Her mother held her daughter's cheek in her palm. "Didn't I say that I was strong? It's your choice. I'll always love you." She smiled.

"Then I see you've made your choice, Ms. Hino?" The doctor walked in, holding a clipboard in her hands. Her eyes were red. It was obvious that she had been crying too.

"Yeah…" Kahoko sighed. But suddenly an image of _him _flashed through her mind.

"Wait!" She shouted. The doctor and her mother froze.

"Can… you get me a piece of paper and a pen? I need to write something to someone before I… go." Her mother handed her a blue pen and blank piece of paper.

* * *

Everyone was dressed in black.

Mrs. Hino was on the verge of breaking down, needing two people to support her from both sides.

No one there was smiling. Their eyes were closed, as if praying for her safe journey.

A few people went up to the podium to say their blessings and last words.

Her grave was right next to her father's.

* * *

One person did not say a speech, nor did he cry or smile. He stayed hours after everyone left, leaning on a nearby tree.

He walked up to her grave and stood there, his blue bangs covering his face.

One lone tear slid down from his face, and hit Kaho's grave with a splash.

He fell on his knees right in front of her grave.

"You fool… You misunderstood me." He choked out while sobbing.

"Why didn't you tell me you were dying?! Why didn't you say that you had a tumor!? Why did you… Why…" His sobs echoed through the cemetery.

He looked up to her headstone, with a picture of her smiling her sweet-as-cotton candy smile. A smile he would never see again.

"If you died, I would do nothing, because if you disappeared, I wouldn't have a reason to live anymore…"

He fell forward, with his hands supporting him. In one hand was a crushed envelope.

"I'm sorry… I was so angry that you would even think of leaving, and I went overboard… I wanted to be with you forever."

He gently placed his lips on the cold, grey stone in front of him.

"I love you…" His tears made a small puddle on Kaho's grave.

* * *

_Len,_

_Greetings. It's amazing to think that the last words I will ever say to you would be written while I'm laying on this hospital bed. _

_I've always been in love with you. I knew that you wouldn't feel the same way. You even said it to me before. That's why I never bothered to tell you. I didn't want you to feel burdened by my feelings. If one day arrives that I'd actually cross your mind, that's enough to make me happy._

_By the way, that cloud was not a blob. I still stand by my statement that it was a heart._

_I assume that my mother has given this to you during my funeral. I bet you thought that you would never, ever in your life, have to attend, out of all people's, MY funeral. So I think it's the right time to tell you that I've had a brain tumor since I was born. I've had the same hospital room for seventeen years. I had my funeral planned out by the time I was six, and had given a layout to my mother, causing her to sob uncontrollably. _

_Today, the day I'm writing this letter, is the day when you told me to get out of your life. I'm glad I didn't tell you my feelings. They wouldn't be reciprocated. To the left of me, the doctor and my mother are talking about medical terms. They're pulling the plug today. My tumor has grown so large that surgery won't have any effect on it. _

_My mom will be alone after today, so if you ever see her around town, like at the market, or walking down the street, please say hello to her for me. She's very fond of you, so it will make her happy. I want nothing more than to see me mom smile while I'm in heaven. My dad died when I was eight, my mother's parents died the year before that. She only has my dad's parents left, who have always had a fond liking towards her. But they're rapidly coming to an old age. I tried to stay as long as I could, but the pain had gotten so unbearable that I couldn't take it anymore. I heard them talking about pulling the plug when I was eight, but I was so worried for my mother since we had lost my father that same year, so I refused._

_Please never give up on your music. I know you'll find another accompanist, but promise me anyways? I would love to hear your music while I'm in heaven. _

_This letter is longer than I expected it to be. I'm probably boring you with the details, aren't I? It was great knowing you, Len. I'll forever cherish the memories that we've had together and take them with me to heaven._

_-Hino Kahoko._

FIN.


End file.
